One of the biggest reasons I started My Outdoorsy Mom was to help families trade a little more screen time for green time. But I also know we're raising kids in a world full of smartphones, tablets, smartwatches and video games, and the questions keep coming. When should my kid get a phone? How much is too much? How do I hold a boundary without fighting about it every single day?
Andrea Davis has spent years helping parents work through exactly that. She's the founder of Better Screen Time, a former junior high teacher, and a mom of five. And what I love about her approach is that it isn't all or nothing.
The moment she knew something had to change
Andrea grew up in the country with a pretty free-range childhood, and that's what she wanted for her own kids, even though they weren't growing up on a farm. Early on, her family kept the TV in a closet and pulled it out for movie nights.
Then they moved from Illinois to Oregon. Her oldest was 12, all her friends were getting phones, and a smartphone felt like the easiest way to stay in touch. A few months later, Andrea watched her daughter come home from school, eat her cereal with one hand and scroll with the other, and barely say a word. "Wait, where did my kid go?"
So they pulled back. They went back to a brick phone. It was painful and there were tears, but Andrea realized the technology was too powerful for a brain that was still under construction. Her biggest lesson: it's never too early to prepare, and it's never too late to turn things around.
A family tech plan your kids help write
At first, Andrea parented from fear and made a lot of rules without much conversation. It didn't work very well. Then she remembered something from teaching junior high: things always went better when the students were involved.
So her family sat down with a giant Post-it and worked through four questions together. Where do we use screens? When do we use them? What's okay to use them for? And how long is too long? Kids are much more likely to follow a boundary they helped build.
What the slow tech road looks like
Andrea describes the slow tech road as giving kids access step by step, as their brains and their responsibility grow. She's most careful with the three kinds of tech she sees as most addictive: internet browsers, gaming and social media. A first device can just be a way to call and text. Brick phones are a lot more common now than when she started.
This one hit home for me. My nine-year-old had gotten into the habit of FaceTiming friends on my phone after school, and I could see it becoming a slippery slope. So we got a Wi-Fi landline that looks like an old corded phone. It lives in our family room next to a chair. The kids can call grandparents and cousins, they're learning phone etiquette, and I can hear every conversation. Andrea's family has a landline too!
When everyone else has a phone
Andrea was honest that holding the line is hard, and that it was hardest with her oldest because she wasn't sure yet what she believed. What helps most is doing your own reading so you have real conviction, then explaining your why to your kids in terms of your family's values. She also recommends finding a few like-minded families. It's a lot easier for kids when at least one or two friends are waiting too.
And sometimes kids come around on their own. Her second daughter really wanted Snapchat at 13 and 14 and got a hard no. Years later, she told Andrea she was glad, because if a guy asked for her Snap and didn't bother to ask for her number, she knew he wasn't worth it anyway.
Digital discernment, starting early
I told Andrea about the time I asked my daughter to find a song on Spotify. She misspelled it, and a list of playlists with four-letter words popped right up. I thought it was a harmless request!
Andrea says moments like that are the perfect place to start. One of her favorite conversations is a simple thumbs-up and thumbs-down list: what do we love about tech, and what do we need to watch out for? It builds what she calls digital discernment, the ability to tell good from bad online.
She encourages parents to start these talks earlier than they think. With little ones, it's about our bodies being special. As kids get older, it grows into honest conversations about the real dangers, including online predators and sextortion. And the most important message of all: you can always come to me, you won't be in trouble, and everything is fixable.
What fills the space screens leave behind
This was my favorite part of the conversation. Andrea's family lives in the Columbia River Gorge, and they love hiking, skiing, paddleboarding and game nights. Her 15-year-old son is such a dedicated birder that the local birders all know his name.
Neither Andrea nor her husband is into birding. She said she could have assumed her son would just play video games like a lot of boys, but leaving that space open gave him room to find something he loves. You just never know what your kids will develop a passion for when you give them some breathing room to find it.
The lightning round
Hard-no apps: Snapchat, Discord and TikTok
One rule every family should consider: no devices in bedrooms or bathrooms
Most underrated screen-free activity: family game night (her family is currently into Flip 7)
Most common mistake: overestimating our kids' ability to handle a smartphone, and underestimating how powerful the devices are
When to revisit your tech boundaries: before middle school, around ages 11 or 12
You're allowed to change your mind
If there's one thing Andrea wants every parent to know, it's that you can step back. If you've given too much access too soon, you can change course. She puts it this way: "I reserve the right to be wiser today than I was yesterday."
This week's outdoorsy challenge
Take a family walk after dinner. Leave the dishes and the homework for ten minutes. With older kids, tell them it's just ten minutes so they know it won't last forever. Andrea says some of the best conversations happen side by side, and I couldn't agree more.
Want the full episode?
Find Andrea at betterscreentime.com and on Instagram @betterscreentime, and grab her free "Am I Ready?" resource if your kids are starting to ask for a phone.
Content note: the episode includes a conversation about online sextortion and mentions teen suicide (around 34:00). You may want to listen before sharing it with older kids.
